How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
