my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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