a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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