there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
