i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
