I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
