And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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