im drinking this country out of the recession.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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