we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Less talking, more tequila
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
