I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
