My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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