FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
