I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
