I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
