I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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