I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
