My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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