I need to stop coming to work sober
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize