one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
