Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
