my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
