Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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