hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
