the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
