Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
