His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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