wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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