why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
