Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
