she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
