I am in a vortex of obligation.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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