I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
