i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
