The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
