She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
