If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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