i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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