You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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