That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
