sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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