Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
