I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
