Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
