maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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