Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
