3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
