and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize