I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
