Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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