Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize