I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
