I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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