Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
