If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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