I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
