Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
