and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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