with your own penis?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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