Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i now understand why vodka
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
