I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
