You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
