I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize