I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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