IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
