He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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