Me. At least after what I've been through.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
