What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
