i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize