he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They took my balls.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
