My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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