Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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