and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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