I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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