Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
