Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
