when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
