so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
