i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
