I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
