just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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